Plain Luck

The radiation burn is really stinging and itching. Taking a shower today was painful, but I survived. The part that's the worst is the part that's peeling. My nice dark tan is peeling away, and under it is very pink sensitive skin. I always wanted to be African American because many black people have such beautiful skin, and so I finally got my wish (partially on my neck anyway), and now it's peeling away. Now I am treating it with a prescription called Triamcinolone Acetonide, which seems to put a thin coating of a waxy substance on the burn.

I was watching a show on TV this morning. It was William Shatner interviewing Jerry Springer. They were talking about Springer's family that was murdered in Nazi Germany because they were Jews. He was talking about being on a TV show himself where they trace back your family history, and how they showed him so much information that they had found... all kinds of records of dates, places, names, and how his grandmother and others were put into a van and while they were driven a ways they were gassed at the same time. So then, my mind starts wandering as it often does... I got to thinking about concentration camps and Nazi Germany and the extermination of innocent people. I have always been very aware of the holocaust because I read The Diary of Anne Frank when I was about thirteen. I believe it helped shape my awareness of the human ability to do evil, and how easily civilization can break down. It's why any kind of extremism has always scared the crap out of me.

Anyway... I thought about (again, because I think this often) how fortunate I am to have been born when I was born and where I was born, and given the opportunity to live a peaceful life with those I love. I thought about how having cancer didn't mean I had to die, but that I was given the opportunity to find ways to treat it that allowed me to continue to live that peaceful life. I considered the fact that if I had been a European Jew in the middle of Nazi Germany and had cancer that it would basically have no significance to my life. It would be of no consequence. It would neither matter if I was able to find treatment or if I totally ignored it. War was going to take care of it for me. Hitler and the Nazi's would want me dead, so having cancer would be a moot point. Nobody would be interested in helping me.

So, here I am being treated for cancer for the third time--surviving ten years with it so far. Why am I so lucky? I honestly don't think there is any reason. No answer to that. And the only hope for others to have the same opportunity to find treatment and cures in the future is for civilization not to break down and to continue to evolve. Ignorance, intolerance and hatred are the things that would change that.